effortless efforts

and the myth of low maintenance

i’ve been thinking about how strange it is that basic consideration now gets treated like a grand romantic gesture.

a reply.
a call back.
remembering something small i told you three weeks ago.
showing up when you said you would.

somehow, these things are “so rare” now.

since when?

since when did thinking about the person you claim to love become an inconvenience?

we live in a time where everyone wants to be adored, understood, prioritized - but no one wants to be responsible for offering the same. everyone wants grace for their distance. space for their moods. understanding for their silence.

but the second someone expects consistency, it’s pressure.

the second someone says, “i need you to be there,” it’s too much.

why does showing up feel like a sacrifice now?

i’ve watched people act like being emotionally available is equivalent to giving up their entire freedom. like checking in is draining. like remembering an important date is above and beyond.

and the worst part?

we’ve started accepting crumbs as devotion.

“he texted first.”
“she posted me.”
“they said they miss me.”

okay. and?

did they stay steady?
did they make you feel secure?
did their effort feel natural - or negotiated?

real effort doesn’t feel like a transaction. it doesn’t feel like you’re begging someone to care. it doesn’t come with eye rolls or delayed replies that make you question your own expectations.

if loving you feels like work to them, that’s the answer.

because when someone truly wants you, effort is instinctive.

they don’t calculate how little they can give and still keep you. they don’t treat your needs like accusations. they don’t act like being present is a favour.

we’ve romanticized detachment. we’ve normalized inconsistency. we’ve convinced ourselves that asking for consistency makes us demanding.

it doesn’t.

it makes us self-aware.

i don’t want dramatic love. i don’t want loud promises.

i want effortless effort.

the kind where you don’t feel guilty for needing reassurance.
the kind where you don’t have to shrink to seem low-maintenance.
the kind where showing up isn’t framed as generosity - it’s just natural.

because loving someone isn’t about grand gestures.

it’s about consistency.

and if that feels like too much to ask for,

then maybe they were never capable of giving enough.

to those who can relate to this, i wish you roses at 11:11.

~ hri